For my only; Mr.Poet

Its just clocked past 1am and I’m lay here, slain at the thought of him. 

He said I was “graceful with words and elegant in looks”

Little does he know Im sat up writing books

Pages on top of pages of how he drives me , passionately and so desirably craving that touch

I’m left in a whirlwind of his lips, so soft and giving was his tender kiss

I’ll never forget the way his name, ricochets against the tip of my tongue

Ali, Ali, Ali, what have you done.

Future reference

Just for future reference, don't use words like "love" anymore. It's a very sensitive word and it wears out really quickly.  Romeo barely says it, so why do you?  John Hinckley filled out a whole journal all about it but where did that get him?  To put it into your terms, it's a currency that's easily devalued.  Pretty soon you're saying it whenever you hang up the phone or whenever you leave the house.  It turns into an apology.  Then it's an excuse, but mostly it just means more.  More, more ... give me something more.  A couple of years from now, when you're on your own completely, if you really fall in love, if it really comes to that, and I pity you if it does, you have to look right down into the black of her eyes, right down into the emptiness that some other man created, and in there you feel fucking everything.  Absolutely everything she needs will come to you and you will have nothing else to do other than drown in it.  You'd have to wait to be crushed, buried alive.  Because that's what real love feels like ... choking.  They used to bury some women in their wedding dresses, you know.  I thought it was because all those husbands were too cheap to spring for another gown, but now it makes sense; love is the first foot in the grave and that why the second most abused word is forever.  

feminazi

If some parents listened to the cries of their daughters, maybe their daughters wouldn't run into the arms of those who give them attention with wrong intentions, just like that.

If parents saw the pain their daughters are going through, trying to be accepted by a world of full people who are constantly judging.  

They wouldn't feel the need to be accepted by a man who only wants them for one thing. 

We live in a world where some daughters are seen as a burden and some sons are seen as a trophy. 

We did not deserve this. Listen to our cries.  

storm clouds and you

"This letter is to you. 

The you that has had a rough week.  The you that seems to

be under constant storm clouds.  The you that feels invisible.

The you that doesn't know how much longer you can hold 

on.  The you that has lost faith.  That you that always blames 

yourself for everything that goes wrong.  To you. 

You are incredible.  You make this world a little bit more

wonderful.  You have so much potential and so many things

left to do.  You have time.  Better things are coming 

your way, so please hang in there.  You can do it."  

sank into her shoes

Her heart sank into her shoes and she realised at 

last how much she wanted him.  No matter what

his past was, no matter what he had done. 

وأنا دائما أحبك هارون

Which was not to say that she would ever let

him know, but only that he moved her more than

 anyone she had ever met, that all other men

seemed pale beside him.

late night

rounded nails trail along flushed yielding flesh and swollen

rosy lips fall open with reserved whispers of affection.  The 

taste of his breath glazes over my tongue and teeth, snatched up kiss.

His pulse ricochets against my rough palms and mimics

my own thundering heart.  I am burning under his touch and my smouldering touch and 

my shaking body is becoming an open flame, too hot

for my polar heart to handle. 

- and I worry that melting my heart will break the dam to the mountain of things I do not want  

drug full

تبغ

I wrote your name on a cigarette and 

thought I could smoke you away.

Now i'm addicted to the way your name tastes

on my tongue and how each letter fills my lungs. 

never good

I wish to listen to the moments in between your heartbeats.  I want to be able to count the birthmarks on your body and run my hands through your hair.  The ghost of your hand is still running over the curves of my body and i've spent countless nights wondering where you are.  You're probably sitting in a park now, getting so high that you can't even remember your own name or how to get home.  You used to do that sometimes.  I don't know what you were trying to forget.  Are you trying to forget me or the girl who played with your heart?  Are you trying to forget those stained days on your memory where you told me you loved me? You never understood the term "forever" but i can still remember you whispering in my ear "i'll love you forever, no matter what happens with you, in these tough months, i'm here for you, I promise". 

-"you were never good at keeping promises" 

strength to move on

How beautiful is it to stay silent 

When someone expects you to be enraged from them

كم هو جميل هو البقاء صامتا

عندما يتوقع شخص ما أن غضب منها

And how beautiful is it to laugh

When someone thinks you are going to shed tears 

وكم هي جميلة هو أن تضحك

عندما يفكر شخص ما أنت ذاهب لتذرف دموع

make your words sweet

  Spoon blood and bone into my mouth 

     then tell me you won't pay for the teeth I broke

       when you told me to bite down. 

           I've been spitting into the sink for hours now;

             way down deep, I know this is wrong 

                but the songs on your playlist mock me 

                   tell me to shut up and swallow my bilious pride 

                     so I choke and ask permission not to die.  

                        We were told when we were young 

                           that silly adage about tender words to eat

                             but you never heeded Mother's words,

                               that's why she pushed into the coffee table 

                                 while I always got lunch dates and secret gifts.

                                    It' been a long time since i've seen you cry

                                      but I wrung out your pillowcases

                                        and instead of missing you 

                                          I'm dreading doing my chores tonight. 

" Make your words tender and sweet for tomorrow you may have to eat them " 

4am

Ask me what my favourite colour is 

and i'll describe the colour of his eyes.

Ask me what my favourite sound is 

and i'll explain how his voice is like a song i'll never get tired of 

Ask me where my home is

and i'll tell them all about how it feels like being in his arms 

Ask me about what makes me happy

and i'll tell you how i can't stop smiling when I look at him

Ask me what love is

and i'll simply reply with his name.  

rotten soul

What is your goal in life? What is your purpose?

If your goal is to look better than someone else

or to have a bigger house or more money than

someone else...

Then I'm afraid if these are the things you live 

and chase after have no purpose. Your goals are

hollow and your mind is shallow.  You should 

have a purpose that would influence others.  Set

goals that will test your determination, goals that

will make your purpose wholesome.  Don't chase

after superficial materialistic happiness.  All this

does is attempt to add a layer of glitter to a rotten 

soul.  

special

In two minds while I'm getting head, her mouth

full so i mis-heard what she said.  Jaw getting 

tired so she told me it's time to feast, she

spread the two legs while her heart beat 

increased.  She don't like one night stands, so i 

said let's spend several nights making love in

bed.  It was late and she wanted a facial,

so she got on her knees and begged me to come,

and make it special.     

letters i never sent - written a year ago

To my future love, 

 The first time I felt your presence, I began joining the dots in the sky,wondering when our stars would align.  

I often think of where you are and if you're happy. Are you in love with someone else? I hope she is gentle and treats your dear heart with care. I know you and i are the same in that way -- we bruise a little more easily that most. You see, our souls were made in the same breath.  

I know i'm running late -- I'm sorry. Things haven't worked out the way I planned.  But believe me, I am on my way.  

Until then, think of me, dream of me and i will do the same. One day i will learn your name, and i will write it somewhere on this page.  

And we will realise we have known each other all along. 

Yours always, 

Z. Arshad 

dimensions

I’m made of four dimensions - space and time, heart and soul.

I am my own universe, infinite and whole.

My skin is not a boundary, I’m too much to be contained

More than person, more than words, I cannot be explained

My thoughts fill up the room as they seep through all my pores

They’ll leak out of the windows and they’ll break down the doors

So don’t you dare define me, I am made up of unknowns

You cannot hold me back, I am not caged by my bones.  

little did i know

I remembered how i promised myself that i’ll never search for love again, that i’ll never force my heart to love again and if love came to find me, i’d greet it with open arms.
Little did i know, you were right there all the time, and that’s when i finally understood.  
I fell in love with all your crazy character, with your warm words and inspirational advice.  
My feeling for you began to grow and i believe that you’re the other half of me, that your name was destined to be written next to mine.
That you’re finally the one whom i’ll settle down and spend my whole life by your side, travelling the world, improving in ourselves and striving beyond the skies.  
And i wouldn’t want it any other way or with any other person.

I forgot

I wish to listen to the moments between each heartbeat underneath your chest.  I want to count the birthmarks on your body and run my hands through your hair.  The ghost of your hands is still running over the curves of my body and I've spent countless nights wondering if you really miss me in the same way.  You're probably sitting in your room, not thinking of me but thinking about what i could do for you and I begin to feel dirty. How much of my life I gave up for you, crying about how horribly you treated me.  Now all of a sudden, I don't want to hear your heart beating, or count the birthmarks on your body.  I don't want to run my hands through your hair and I forgot how to miss you.  You have become my past and I'm really fucking happy.    

Beauty is

Beauty is not long hair, skinny legs,
tanned skin or perfect teeth.  Believe me.  
Beauty is the face of who cried and now 
smiles, beauty is the scar on your knee
since you fell you when you were a kid.  Beauty
is the circles when love doesn't let sleep 
at night.  Beauty is the expression on her face 
when her alarm rings in the morning,  It's the 
melted makeup when you have a shower, it's 
the laughter when you make a joke and you're 
the only one who understands.  Beauty is meeting
his gaze and stopping and understanding.  Beauty
is your gaze when you see him, it's when you cry
through all their paranoia's beauty is the lines 
marked by time.  Beauty is what we feel inside, 
which also shows outside of us.  Beauty
is the mark life leaves on us, all the kicks and the
caresses the memories leaves us.  Beauty is letting
yourself live.   

cold eyes

There's a guy, you might know him

You can tell he's confident by the way he walks 

He's beautiful but he's never looked in a mirror

People always seem to listen when he talks 

He holds this power over me 

His finger's on the trigger and his eyes are cold 

I'm a target and his gun is pointed at me 

What scares me the most is that he never does as he is told 

There's a guy, you might know him 

By the way, his eyes shine, he sneaks a smile

He's lost hope in believing and more importantly - in me

He laughs rarely and it's been this way for a while

But I love him, and he loves me

And one day in this world I swear I will prove

That he is the most amazing guy I've ever met

And I swear she is the most beautiful girl you've

Ever known;

There's a guy, you might know him

He means more to me that anyone in the past

I cant lose him, I won't ever let him go

I love him, and I know this feeling will last 

dear human

Dearest Human,

You've got it all wrong.  You didn't come here to master unconditional love.

That is where you came from and that is where you will return. 

 You came here to learn personal love.  

Universal love.  Messy love.  Sweaty love.  Crazy love. Broken love.  Whole love.

Infused with divinity.  Lived through the grace of stumbling.  Demonstrated through

the beauty of messing up.  Often.  You didn't come here to be perfect.  You already are.

You came here to be gorgeously human.  Flawed and fabulous.  

And then to rise again into remembering.