my boy

my boy had eyes you could get lost in
oh and if you can make him smile, it is so damn captivating, in fact, its breathtaking.  He genuinely had me sat all alone thinking and contemplating about how dominating and suffocating love can be.  But when i look into his soft brown eyes all i know is that i am saved from the suffocating and i can breathe again.  He gives me life, time and peace.  And is the only person who can stop me thinking of the last man who screwed with my lungs and stifled me from breathing in all the fresh air that Mother gives us all.

expiration dates

 

I’ve been thinking about what would happen if one were to get involved with someone who has an “expiration date”.  Someone who in a set amount of time, will be leaving.  Knowing the amount of time you have with someone is a strange concept.  Knowing this when you’re just meeting someone, makes it a little more odd.  Knowing this when the person is growing on you, makes it downright dizzying.  At this point, both parties being completely aware of this limited timeline, you have a couple of options.  The first option is the easiest.  Drop out before you get too involved.  Leave before they’re someone you spend your suns and moons thinking about.  This option is the easiest one, for when the expiration date is right in front of your face on the calendar, you won’t feel as if a part of your soul is floating away.  You probably won’t even remember the significance of that specific date.  This is safe.  But the second path.  That’s where you allow the threads of your souls to intertwine in any which way.  That’s where you feel.  Where you create something that moves you.  Something that washes you with a wave of warmth and shivers up your spine when you recall it.  Something that helps grow the seed of your soul, your being.  If you are ever in this situation, this impassioned footing, I urge you to choose the latter.  Expiration dates are inevitable, in every situation, with every single person, whether they are known or not.  In this situation, you are given the gift of knowledge of this timeframe.  Please don’t let this hinder you.  You know the forest ends somewhere, but allow yourself to get lost and build a few tree homes anyway.           



imperfections

I wonder how it feels to have someone face you so close, looking intently straight into your eyes, and you look at them, too, and you feel like he can touch your heart, and then he tells you that you are his life now. I wonder what it feels like to have someone claiming you as his own; claiming you as his life, and like he’s telling you that he can’t live without you. He is telling you that you are everything to him now. His everything. I wonder what it feels like to have someone love you for everything you are. Even if you are imperfect, still, he accepts you for who you are. Even if you’re a complicated stack of broken pieces of yourself. And he is there to put the pieces back into place. Yeah. It seems impossible, but who knows? Maybe that someone is out there, waiting for you; searching for you. We will never know. He might be someone you are sitting with your Physics class, he might be someone you asked for directions, or maybe just a random person you met. Who knows? You will never know when that time will come. But I promise, he’ll come to you and you’ll never have to find him

psyche

your brain

uses itself

to understand

itself

what a fucking beautiful paradox

just stuff

I'm in love with reading books because it transports me to a world that is not my own and sometimes that's all it takes to save me.

 Just like you mistook lust for love, you have mistaken being alone with loneliness. So I'm fine. Thank you for asking.

sun shine

i used to think that he was what

made the sun shine, but darling, he's not.  

he is what makes your eyes tear, and your

cuts bleed deeper.

he is the thoughts in your head that rip

you apart and, my god, 

i know you love him but darling he is killing

you

Noor | نور‎

By pure translation means light in Arabic, worlds most stunning language.  And personally for me, i have finally found my Noor.  He is cheeky, funny, bright and witty but alongside that he is sweet, caring, kind and so beautiful. 

He has embedded in me his light, to make me happy, to keep me smiling forever. And the best part is I know i will be and i know i can smile forever.  Having such a powerful light to guide my way is the turn in the right direction. Through all this wrong that as human beings we suffer through, we will always find our own Noor. 

Mine is mine and yours is yours. And now he is here i cant let go.  I refuse to let go.  Let selfishness overtake me and let me keep him forever.

My light, my brightness, My Noor.

You

Ive got you

On my mind

But

My thoughts

Aren't very clean

why i write poetry

TO WRITE POETRY
AND TO COMMIT SUICIDE

THEY SOUND SO DIFFERENT AND
PEOPLE DONT SEEM TO UNDERSTAND

THAT THE TWO ARE QUITE THE SAME
TWO SEPARATE MEANS OF ESCAPE

                     {z.a} 

I liked

What i liked
About him was
He wasn't your ordinary
Man

He was tea
During a long winters day
And hennesy
During a hot summers night 

real men

" its not that she didnt love you because i know she did.  There were days where she couldn't stop talking about you but she was scared.  She was so scared and she wasn't someone who could forget about it either.  She let fear take her away from you being the best thing that ever happened to you.  So believe me when i tell you, you aren't or shouldn't be the one carrying the loss, its her, and it will always be her "

Because real men get hurt too

you could

you could break my heart into
tiny
little
pieces
and i would gather them all back up
and hand them straight back to you

January 7th 00:20 AM

In the past year, i've learnt that sunsets lasts longer than people do and the human heart can break in so many pieces and not just half and picking up one of those pieces, the sharpest one too, feels better dragging across your wrist than some bitch called a therapist, patting your back and telling you that sinking leads to swimming somewhere new but sometimes it just feels like you are fucking drowning. 

Rant fucking over

Play Acting

The image is crisper, the view is keener, the camera angle and the soundtrack manipulate my emotions in a way reality can’t anymore. I don’t know that we are actually human at this point, those of us who are like most of us, who grew up with TV and movies and now the Internet. If we are betrayed, we know the words to say; when a loved one dies, we know the words to say. If we want to play the stud or the smart-ass or the fool, we know the words to say. We are all working from the same dog-eared script. It’s a very difficult era in which to be a person, just a real, actual person, instead of a collection of personality traits selected from an endless automat of characters. And if all of us are play-acting, there can be no such thing as a soul mate, because we don’t have genuine souls. It had gotten to the point where it seemed like nothing matters, because I’m not a real person and neither is anyone else. I would have done anything to feel real again.