Leonard Nimoy 1931 - 2015

“You know, for a long time I have been of the opinion that artists don’t necessarily know what they’re doing. You don’t necessarily know what kind of universal concept you’re tapping into.”

practise makes perfect

I'd spent too many years caught in a 

web of expectation. Too many years

coping with unnecessary anger. I was 

lucky it festered into early aging 

instead of some heart breaking disease.

But i didn't feel lucky.

Opportunities had drifted.

 Not just drifted, but had sank, right to the

bottom of the ocean, locked away in a 

two tonne safe that was now wrapped 

in seaweed and coated with sand 

Van Gogh

THEY SAY VAN GOGH WOULD EAT HIS YELLOW PAINT BECAUSE HE THOUGHT

THAT HE'D GET THE HAPPINESS INSIDE OF HIM AND PEOPLE THOUGHT HE WAS

MAD AND STUPID FOR DOING IT BUT HE DID IT ANYWAY AND I DON'T THINK IT'S SO CRAZY.IF YOU'RE SAD ENOUGH THAT EVEN THE CRAZIEST OF IDEAS MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP THEN YOU'D DO IT.ITS JUST THE SAME AS FALLING IN LOVE

YOU KNOW YOU COULD HAVE YOUR HEART BROKEN BUT YOU DO IT ANYWAY BECAUSE THE CHANCE AT HAPPINESS IS GREATER THAN THE INSANITY OF HEARTBREAK.EVERYBODY HAS THEIR YELLOW PAINT.THAT LITTLE THINK THAT

COULD MEAN THE END THAT THEY DO BECAUSE ITS WORTH IT. 

lost myself

Here is the place where you found me.  Under the

half-moon and it's half-light.  You said, if only I had met

you there that night.  Perhaps we could have found our

way.  I learned something about sadness after that day.  

You showed me insanity, as you promised you would.  

Like an open window, seven storeys high.  And it was 

just as terrible and as beautiful as you and I.  

And you said ecstasy was a storm cloud, just before the 

rain would burst into the night sky, like a thousand

aquatic stars - and not one single moment before.  And

you were right.  You were right about it all. You took 

me on a trip.  

Rumi quote

I have been feeling down and poorly lately.  I don't always share that feeling online because

I do a lot of work things online and maybe that is not appealing.  "Let's not work

with that sad girl", said someone once, probably.

But i think, too, that not being a real human individual online is unappealing, 

like those folks who solely share polished Ken Doll photos of themselves

with poetic captions.  Honesty.

An ab workout and some new underwear didn't make you think of a deep Rumi quote.

You thought you looked hella sexy and didn't eat a doughnut when you could have

and the human body is beautiful and you like attention from strangers.

Honesty.  Sometimes people feel poorly for awhile or for longer than a while,

and it's OK to just say that. Phew!

Frida Kahlo

I used to think I was the strangest person in the world but then I thought there are so many people in the world, there must be someone like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do.  I would imagine him, and imagine the he must be out there thinking of me too.  Well, I hope that if you are out there and read this and know that, yes, it's true I'm here, and I'm just as strange as you.

writing

There is only one difference:

I am never writing for the audience

Like experts are trained to do

I write with a fist,

When the sun has gone down and

When i desperately don't want to fall 

over myself 

onto you,

I write.  

My prose, you know,

They will never be what you expect from

me - because 

We just don't know each other.

I can't write for you with the voice that 

We need, that is a requirement of 

Subscription

To the newsletter where I

Tell you I like your tie and I look

Right at you.  

Over my wine glass - I'm looking

Right at you.

I write with the calm inclination of

One who knows I can't possibly

Think of you today.

Not today.  

three questions

What was it like to love him?  asked Gratitude

 It was like being exhumed, I answered.  And brought to life in a flash of brilliance.  

What was it like to be loved in return?       asked Joy

It was like being seen after a perpetual darkness, I replied.  To be heard after a

lifetime of silence.

What was it like to love him?  asked Sorrow

There was a long silence before i responded: 

It was like hearing every goodbye ever said to me - 

said all at once 

musical strings

Every person carries their own kind of music in them.  
   When i am close to people, i can hear their strings play.  
        Some people's music click with mine, others disturb it.
           With him, i heard nothing, it was like being in an empty room.  
               While empty rooms may cramp your feelings with agitation, thy may also calm you.  
                    You become in a state in which you can hear your own music play and listen to                              the sound of your own heart.  
                         He allowed me to hear my own song, my own heart beat.
                             It seemed as if he owned no music in her but knew how to compose him                                         perfectly.   

french

In French, you don't  really say "i miss you"

You say " tu me manques,"  which is closer to

" you are missing from me" 

I love that.  

"you are missing from me"

You are a part of me.  You are essential to my being.  

You are like a limb, or an organ, or blood.  

I cannot function without you 

sadness

there are two types of sadness

There's that kind

that i want to get rid of 

so i watch friends

listen to happy music

find someone to talk to

keep my mind off thinking                                                                                                       Then there's the other one

when you know you're sad 

but you want to

isolate yourself

and just drown

in the pool of emotions

listen to sad music

read quotes about life 

drink coffee

and basically just feel empty 

just bits and bobs

My parents warned me about the drugs

in the streets but never the ones with the

brown eyes and a heartbeat

as hard as it was, i decided to stop loving him.

I'll put it this way; the ocean fucking drowned me 

" do you still love him?"

DO YOU STOP LOVING THE OCEAN WHEN YOU COME BACK 

FROM HOLIDAY JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T FEEL IT 

ANYMORE 

boundless and infinite

homesick

I am homesick for a place i'm not even sure exists.

One where my heart is full.

 My body is loved and

 my soul is understood 

the bitch manifesto

MAN IS DEFINED AS 

A HUMAN BEING AND A 

WOMAN IS DEFINED AS 

A FEMALE.  WHENEVER SHE

TRIES TO BEHAVE AS A 

HUMAN BEING SHE IS ACCUSED

OF TRYING TO EMULATE 

THE MALE 

{ Simon de Beauvoir }

Jungle Book

You stripped me bare,

wearing my confidence

like a cloak

But deep down, 

everyone knew that you

were a joke 

{I.V.Y}

Crimson Streams

My heart is bleeding; 

crimson streams leaking

losing my rhythm and 

my will for breathing

Thoughts shattered like a mirror

that i stared at;

hopeful; wishful;

but today my heart is screaming

crimson streams

dusk

You left, one morning's dark dawn
Still young, as sunshine's first yawn
Breathe, they screamed, again aloud
In thunder's coughing, collapsing clouds
My eyes stormed skies from clear to cries
Heart stopped, turned one teardrop, to tides

You appear, one evening's bright dusk
Still near, as sun's set to night's touch
Smile through dark, a scarred horizon
In wind, heard wings of a heart arising
My eyes lift up to a light at sea
Sky lit by your shine, alive in me

                                                                                    {READ THE FIRST WORD OF EACH LINE}

just say so

If one day you wake up and
you no longer care about me, say so over our morning
coffee and i will let you leave

I will not ask you why.  I will not ask you to stay one
more night.  I will give you a small smile to say that
it is okay and people lose feelings for all sorts of reasons and that
i will survive.

If it comes to it, just say so.
You should stay because you want to.
You should leave if you need to.

flowers

I got flowers today.  It wasn't my birthday or any other special day.  We had our first fight last night, and he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me.  I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said because he sent me flowers today.  

I got flowers today.  It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day.  Last night he threw me into a wall and started to choke me.  It was a nightmare and i couldn't believe it even happened until i woke up this morning to find my body all sore and bruised all over.  I know he must sorry because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today.  It wasn't Mother's Day or any other special day.  Last night, he beat me up again.  And it was much worse than all the other times.  If i leave him, what will i do? How will i take care of my kids? What about money? I'm afraid of him and scared to leave. But i know he is sorry because he sent me flowers today.  

I got flowers today.  Today was a very special day.  Today is my funeral.  Last night he finally killed me, beat me to death.  If only I had gathered enough courage and strength to leave him.  I would've not got flowers today.  

universes

" i think the everyone has scars

maybe not on their wrists or their inner thighs

not even on their knees

but

on their hearts, souls and between the cracks and crevices

of the little universes they've created within 

themselves" 

{russell brand}                                                                                   

creatures of the earth

He met her.  He smelt her pure innocence.
He licked his lips and saw her as prey, like a tiger to a deer.
She could smell her fear and she thought he could to.
He knew she was fragile as can be.  But he smiled at her, so sweetly. 
He wrapped her around his little finger, left his devilish smell on her to linger,
for he was the one who would snatch away her pure heart and soul.  
He coaxed her into being his, but we all knew it wouldn't end like this.  
It started with a hug, the a 'harmless kiss', he knew the path he was taking her on,
she felt guilty.  Her heart was torn.  In her mind, her sins taking tally.  But satan told 
her to keep it going.  Her tears wouldn't stop flowing when an angel came down and 
whispered delicately the words to help her through.  But she knew he had a grip on her, 
his only plan was to lure.  She left him as hard as it could be, she ran as fast as her 
legs could take her.  To a place where not you and me could find.  Only He knows.

i do

SOMETIMES WHEN YOU
MEET SOMEONE THERE
IS A CLICK
I DONT BELIEVE
IN LOVE AT
FIRST SIGHT BUT
I DO BELIEVE
IN THAT CLICK

too late

THE WORST GOODBYES
ARE THE ONES NEVER SAID

THEY ARE THE ONES
THAT MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE
YOU'VE LOST A PART OF
YOUR SOUL

{ i miss you, need you, and honestly need to feel you hold me and tell me everything will be okay }

tongue

GOD IS LOVE
BUT
SATAN DOES THAT THING WITH HIS TONGUE THAT YOU SIMPLY JUST LOVE AND DESIRE

masterpiece

A MASTERPIECE IS STILL A MASTERPIECE EVEN WHEN THE LIGHTS ARE OFF AND THE ROOM IS EMPTY. 

REMEMBER THAT YOU WERE ART BEFORE HE CAME TO ADMIRE YOU AND YOU'LL CONTINUE TO BE ART EVEN AFTER HE IS LONG GONE. 

14 word story

WE'RE JUST SUICIDAL KIDS TELLING OTHER SUICIDAL KIDS THAT SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER

a kiss over coffee

me and him lock eyes and he was using his eyes to interrogate me
And he breaks the stare, looks down at my lips, the choice is made.  Now in this moment there were two options, take things slow and back away or just take the leap and follow my gut.  I followed my gut feeling and commited to the one thing i was in control of.  In this split second in time, his lips touched mine and the whole world around me is muted.  The music playing, the smell of coffee, the noise of the traffic, all senses obliterated by one touch.  It was as if the world is on delay for this kiss.  Damn.  His lips, soft and so harmless.  My stomach doing backflips and my hands lingering in his hair as it loosened and our breathing heightened, then trying to comprehend this rush of emotion, experiencing his taste.  My heart stopped for a fraction of a second, colliding with my thoughts and telling me this cannot be real.  I felt sparks, heat but yet naturality. The normality of the kiss is what set me aback, confused.  He just felt like mine, he felt like my cliché.

Welcome

Welcome to society
We hope you enjoy your stay
And please feel free to be yourself
As long as it's in the right way
Make sure you love your body
Not too much or we'll tear you down
We'll bully you for smiling
And then wonder why you frown
We'll tell you that you're worthless
That you shouldn't make a sound
And then cry with all the others
As you're buried in the ground
You can fall in love with anyone
As long as it's who we choose
And we'll let you have your opinions
But please shape them to our views
Welcome to society
We promise that we won't deceive
And on more rule that now you are here
There's now no way you can leave

written by me for my little lion

to love is to think.  and i almost forget to feel only from thinking about here.  I don't know what i want at all, even from her, i don't think about anything but her.  I have an amazing beautiful and wonderful animated distraction.  I almost feel like not calling her up so i don't have to hang up afterwards.  I don't know what i want at all, and to be really honest with myself, i do not want to know either.  All i want to do is think about her, know her inside out, understand and touch her body, her mind and her beautiful soul.  I want to her sing for an eternity and know happiness, not just understand it.  I'm not asking anything from anybody, not even her.

i hope you love this Zahra, my little ray of sunshine 💕