life's nursery rhyme

Jack and Jill ran up the hill

from their abusive father

They tried but they could never be 

His perfect son and daughter

Jack, be nimble, Jack, be quick!

He's warming up his knuckles

And as he's gaining, around the world

 you can hear his chuckles

Jill, you must keep running fast

I know your eyes are puffy

But if he catches up he'll crack

Your bones like Humpty Dumpty

Jack and Jill ran up the hill

Just begging for some mercy

Their childhood was never like

The rhyme they told in the nursery.

does the feeling flow both ways?

i'd like to tell you something but tell me, would you say it back?

you always say the perfect words, it seems you've got a knack

you take my hand and lead me somewhere i've never been before

And somehow it doesn't matter who we were before

i want to tell you i love the way you smile and your voice

i've had some time and i've decided that loving you isn't a choice

do you wanna hear the way this will turn out?

So do i, so let's just follow this chosen route

If life is a series of important choices and memories

i think i made the right ones so say you love me so its not all in vain

i'm letting myself be swept away in my enchantment of you

And i'd scream it to the whole world if you said you love me too

I'd like to tell you something, but tell me, would you say it back?

i love with my whole heart, trust me it's not something that i lack

I want to tell you something, so baby just listen for a minute

You are a flame and now the candle in my dark room is lit

Wanna know how this will turn out?

stick around for a while and you just might find out. 

August 5

I WANT TO FEEL YOUR SKIN AGAINST MINE IN THE MOST INNOCENT WAY.

BUT YOU WANT TO TOUCH MY BODY IN THE ROUGHEST OF WAYS.

I WANT TO KISS YOUR SOFT LIPS.

YOU WANT TO BITE MY BOTTOM LIP HOPING FOR MORE.

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ME AND YOU IS THAT I'M OKAY WITH SIMPLE THINGS.

BUT YOU YEARN FOR MORE.

THE SIMPLE THINGS JUST DON'T SATISFY YOU. 

just me

     I get asked a lot about what i want to be and what i want to do with my life.  There are so many          answers to these two very simple questions that it leaves my mind boggling.  There is a certain            answer that stands out to me particularly.

     I want to have children one day.  I want to hold their innocence in my hands for as long as i can.  I      want them to know its okay to be afraid and even more okay to feel as if you are at a loose end.  I        want to teach them religious morals and happenings and help them to grown to have faith in                themselves.  I want my children to learn how to love with their full heart and i want them to                forever believe in the beauty of their dreams.

     I want them to know that whenever they feel alone, lost or confused that they can open heartedly        come to their mother but not as my children but as my friends.  I want to be able to protect them          from the unknowns and a life i experienced.

     they asked me what i wanted to be, and this is what really matters, to be a mother.     

meant to be

Lie down and look up at the ceiling.

And breathe.

Breathe again with those curiously fragile lungs of yours.

Remind yourself;

Don't worry.

Don't worry.

All is as it was meant to be.

It was meant to be

lonely,

terrifying,

unfair and heaving.

Don't worry. 

that one

If that one thing hadn't happened,

if that one person had't broken your heart,

you would've turned out completely different.  

You would not be the person you are right now.

Everything that has happened to you has affected you, 

everyone that has happened to you.  

You let people into your life that 

have drained you

taken away parts of your heart and soul

and guess what?

You can never have them back.  

Sometimes its terrifying to think about,

that you will never be that exact same

person again.

You never go back

and become unaffected by what has happened to you

or who has happened to you.

You have been changed.

As humans, we must adapt to this stupid 

unwanted change and move on.

You will miss who you were before.

The more innocent, more vulnerable.

More whole.  

late

Its 2am and I'm a fucking mess because

this would be the time that I send you

perpetual texts messages confessing how much

I like you and how lovely you are and God

it's a fucking shame that we couldn't last because

we were falling for each other

it was undeniable

it was undeniable

it was undeniable

the words echo in my head but i can't help ponder how

such a powerful emotion could go unnoticed by you

i felt the deepest infatuation that anyone could ever develop maybe

i fell harder  for you than you did for me

maybe you didn't fall for me at all

God i'm so fucking sorry things ended this way

I'm sorry that you seem to be fine while I'm

hundreds of miles away screaming your name

in hope that you hear

the agony

in my

voice